I was having quite the pity party last night, and my husband sat through the whole episode with me without complaint. I’ve been planning my retirement for years, and I’ve stayed longer than I intended, but when I was asked to sign some paperwork yesterday to initiate the hiring of my successor, I have to be honest, it took my breath away.

I kept dwelling on all the emotions that stirred within me during the three-hour drive home, and by the time I hit the front door, tears were in my eyes. I felt a deep sadness that I wouldn’t be missed, I felt irrelevant, I felt…old.

After crying for 15 minutes straight, I blew my nose and remembered who my God is. He’s gotten me this far, right? But how easy it was to start leaning on my own understanding and not His. Psalm 56:3 says, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” I had spent the whole day on Friday being afraid of the future, and not putting my trust in God.

What did I have to be afraid of, anyway? I had prayed about my retirement date and felt a peace about it. Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”

Me, a masterpiece? And God has a plan for my life that he prepared long ago? I’ve spent a lot of my adult life worrying about my family, my career, and now about my retirement. Today is a new day, and I feel much better knowing I don’t have to know all the answers. I just need to trust in my Creator.

Today I had lunch with a dear friend and I just enjoyed the few hours we spent together. Maybe that’s what God wanted me to learn from yesterday—that fear can steal my joy if I allow it to. I hope if any of you, my dear sisters, ever feel distressed over a situation, remember God is in control although a good cry and a shoulder to lean on doesn’t hurt either.

My apologies for the long video (4+ minutes).